I’ve gotten to the point in my pregnancy where everyone is asking me if I’ve found out what I’m having. (Please note that I’m always super tempted to answer, “A baby!” because I’m annoying.) Apparently most people are finding out the flavor of their babe way before us these days, but we are set to find out after I reach 20 weeks, which is still a few weeks away.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t imagine not finding out the gender. I felt this need to know whether the wee bairn was pink or blue (is that not how it works? Doesn’t the ultrasound change color based on the gender? Kidding guys.)
But recently, I’ve started feeling the opposite — not wanting to know.
Part of this is because I thought in order to register for baby items and decorate the nursery, surely I would have to know the sex. But we went and registered without knowing (I highly recommend it!) and got through all of it just fine. And as for the nursery, I always knew I’d skew toward a gender-neutral theme, as I’ve never been one to want a nursery covered in pink frills and ruffles, or an entire room dedicated to dump trucks or race cars or whatever. So those concerns quickly evaporated once I realized I really didn’t need to know the gender in order to fit the vision I had for the baby space.
But… the other side of my concern is a little more personal. First, finding out the sex is so commonplace these days that people sort of just assume that you’re going to find out. I like the idea of of waiting until the end and being handed a squealing bundle, accompanied by an “it’s a ______!” But also, what about your own expectations when you get pregnant? Those of you who have already had babies can maybe back me up on this (or maybe not, I don’t know) — but I’ve had a feeling that the baby is a certain gender. And it’s based on nothing scientific — it has no basis in reality at all, really. It’s mostly due to the fact that early on I had a dream about what gender the baby would be (and even the name we chose) and since then it’s been sort of stuck in my head.
So… what if we go in for the ultrasound and it’s not what I was expecting? I can imagine that there could be some disappointment in finding out early. But having been present for my nephew August’s birth, I know that if I opted not to know until the bitter end, there’s no way that I would be disappointed in that moment. (Note to all of you who haven’t given birth or attended a live birth — it’s amazing, emotional, and so empowering. If someone gives you the option to be in the room when they have a baby, take it! And if you’re a man who is still lamenting the loss of the 1950’s “stay in the waiting room smoking a cigar” mentality… Um… Yeah… No.)
But with all that, KC is set on knowing. I think for it to feel “real” to him, he has to know the gender — which I totally get. I mean, it’s pretty dang real for me every day, given that I’m carrying the freaking thing, but I can understand KC’s need to latch onto something a little more tangible in the meantime, given that the only real change for him has been the amount of my complaining + my willingness to be DD (which pretty much never happens when I’m not “with child.”)
So I guess I’ll have to decide if I’m going to find out with him, or if I’ll be ok letting him keep the secret for the last 19+ weeks (while tacitly assuming that he won’t somehow slip and call the baby “he” or “she” during that time, which is a pretty big gamble.)
Those of you who have gone or are going through this — did you want to find out the gender of your child? Did you have any expectations going in? (Or am I just a complete asshole for worrying that I might feel a twinge of disappointment if the reality doesn’t match my expectation?)
PS: The bear in the picture is the very first thing I bought for the baby, and it’s from Gap (go figure). :)